id	text
537	Late at night, a drunk was on his knees beneath a street-light, evidently looking for something. A passer-by, being a good Samaritan, offered to help. "What is it you have lost?" he asked. "My watch," replied the drunk. "It fell off when I tripped over the pavement." The passer-by joined in the search but after a quarter of an hour, there was still no sign of the watch. "Where exactly did you trip?" asked the passer-by. "About half a block up the street," replied the drunk. "Then why are you looking for your watch here if you lost it half a block up the street?" The drunk said: "Because the light's a lot better here."
10037	Q: What do elves learn at school? A: The elf-abet!
10137	Q: What's black and white and bounces? A: A polar bear on a pogo stick!
1337	This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in." The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of 'em torturing this chick. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me. So I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'" St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?" "Er.. about two minutes ago."
11137	So two jumper cables walk into a bar. Bartender says, "You guys better not start anything in here."
11120	Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop? A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers
1620	A Blonde was driving down the highway and she cuts off a Truck. The Driver motions for the Blonde to pull over. The blonde pulls over and the truck driver draws a circle on the road next to the car. He says "Don't leave this circle" and cuts her tires. He comes back and the Blonde is giggling. He says "Oh you think thats funny!" and rips her convertable top. He comes back and the blonde is laughing. The driver gets mad and lights her car on fire. The driver comes back and the blonde is rolling on the floor laughing. He asks " What is so funny!" She says "I stepped out of the circle 9 times!"
2020	Banta and Preeto decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Mumbai. When they entered the hotel and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. Banta brushed her off." Preeto objected, "That young woman was nice, and you were so rude." "Preeto, she`s a prostitute." "I don`t believe you. That sweet young thing?" "Let`s go up to our room and I`ll prove it." In their room, Banta called down to the desk and asked for that girl to come to room 326. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?" Soon, there was a knock on the door. Banta opened it and girl walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. Banta asked, "How much do you charge?" "Ten thousand basic rate, three thousand tips for special services." Even Banta was taken aback. "Ten thousand !! I was thinking more in the range of two thousand." Girl laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price." "Well," said Banta, "I guess we can`t do business. Goodbye." After she left, Preeto came out of the bathroom. She said, "I just can`t believe it!" Banta said, "Let`s forget it. We`ll go have a drink, then eat dinner." At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, that girl came up behind Banta, pointed slyly at Preeto, and said, "See what you get for two thousand !"
2320	Young Boudreaux applied for an engineering job way, way up north in Shreveport. A local man applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one question. The manager went up to Boudreaux and said "Thank you for your interest, but we' ve decided to give the local man the job." Boudreaux said "Why You gonna be doin dat sir, we both got 9 questions right?" The manager said, "We made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one you missed." Boudreaux asked "An jus how da heck would one incorrect answer be mo betta dan da otter?" The manager replied, "Simple, the local man put down on question #5, 'I don't know,' you put down, 'neither do I.'
2324	there two boys and they live in a small little town in virginia. These two boys are especially bad and are always in trouble. after the two boys got cought for steeling one day there mothers sent them to talk to the town priest. So the two boys went to talk to the pastor and the pastor asked the smallest child to come in and talk to him. well the pastor asked the young child "do you believe in god ?" the young boy answered shyly "yes" so the pastor said ok "do you know where god is?" the young boy had a puzzled look on his face and said "nope" so the pastor said again "do you know where god is?" the boy looked back and said "i alreay told you no" so the pastor asked a last time "do you know where god is?" at that time the boy ran out the room and to his older brother. The older brother asked "whats wrong?" the young boy answered "were in big trouble now" "oh well were always in trouble whats the big deal?" the young boy answered "now God is missing and they thing we've done it."